Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRAshishi on 2025-04-08 18:56:22.

This happened a year ago, but my (22F) best friend (23F), let’s call her Zara, and I fought about it again today.

Today, my childhood best friend, let’s call her Zara, was talking shit about my ex (24M). I know she—and most of my friends—don’t like him because of how toxic we were together. None of them have met him, and only know him through me, usually when I was upset.

For context: my ex isn’t a bad person. We’re still close friends and romantically involved, just unsure of our future. We’re not technically together—we’re redoing the “dating stage.” He’s Japanese, I’m Indian. We met in the UK during our master’s, dated for 10 months, and then I moved to Japan for another degree (not for him—this was a long-time goal). We were always on different pages and both insecure, so we broke up. Now we live in the same country, different cities. We deeply care about each other. He’s a great friend but was a bad partner—he just couldn’t meet my needs due to different priorities and cultural gaps.

Now, Zara means the world to me. She’s an amazing listener, always there for me, and we have a lot in common. But she can be stubborn and argumentative. Today, on a call, she mocked my ex’s “fake” British accent. I don’t know why, but she doesn’t like British accents in general. Still, it felt random and disrespectful. My ex code-switches a lot—he went to an international school and picked up English in various accents. Sometimes, he doesn’t even realize he's doing it. English isn’t his first language, and certain words trip him up.

A year ago, after some pushing from Zara and another friend, I introduced them to my ex, whom I had been dating for 2 months. We were in my room chatting. When Zara introduced herself, he struggled with her name. He tried once, she corrected him, and he quickly said, “Oh, I don’t think I can say that.” I knew what he meant: Japanese doesn’t have distinct r/L sounds, and there’s no Hindi/Marathi equivalent for the R sound in her name.

He’s a people-pleaser and overthinks things—no way he wanted to offend my childhood friends. He said that because he didn’t want to butcher her name. But she got offended and felt disrespected. Later, I explained the language difference, but she compared him to her Greek boyfriend, who puts effort into pronunciation. She emphasized that names are important (I agree), but said trying should never be embarrassing. I disagreed—mispronouncing names is embarrassing, especially when you're trying not to offend.

My ex wanted to apologize, but I told him and Zara that he didn’t need to apologize for not being able to perfectly replicate a sound that doesn’t exist in his native language.

I care deeply about both of them. But I also think it’s unfair to hold onto a mispronunciation as proof of disrespect. So, am I wrong for defending him? Or is Zara too stuck on her impression of him?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/EmbarrassedTea8102 on 2025-04-08 17:57:48.

Before I get into it, here’s some background. I’m 25F. My half-brother (26M) and adopted sister (26F) and I were all adopted into the same family as kids. Unfortunately, due to abuse, the adoption failed for me and my sister when we were in our early teens, and we had to go back into foster care. Sadly, we had to leave my brother behind, and I didn’t hear from him for several years—until maybe five years ago.

The “family” I’ll refer to in this post is my adopted sister’s biological family, who unofficially took both of us in after we aged out of the system. They’ve been my chosen family ever since.

My brother has always held a special place in my heart. You can’t really know me without knowing about him. He’s autistic and functions more like a 15-year-old mentally. He’s incredibly social and finds joy in communities like the furry community. He often wears cat ears and a tail in public. It makes him feel good and confident, and he doesn’t mind the stares or comments. I used to try convincing him to take them off, but eventually realized—why should he? If it makes him happy, then that’s what matters. Anyone who has a problem with it can take a hike, honestly.

Recently, I’ve been trying to bring him into my family’s life. He lives about two hours away and doesn’t really have anyone else besides me and our sister. I assumed, given our shared background, that my family would be open to welcoming him. And at first, it seemed that way. He came to Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, and he had the best time. He was chatting with everyone, playing with his young nephews, and afterward told me he felt “on top of the world.” I was so happy for him.

But then, a few weeks ago, I had dinner with my sister and our mom. His name came up, and my mom casually referred to his “cat kink.” I felt sick. She’s 75 and I honestly don’t know where that idea even came from. Then my sister chimed in, saying he made her kids uncomfortable and she didn’t want him around them. Her kids are all 5 and under, and I distinctly remember them having a great time with him. I was shocked and heartbroken.

I tried to explain to them that they were completely misunderstanding him—that it wasn’t a kink, just a part of how he expresses himself and finds confidence. But they wouldn't budge. They gave me an ultimatum: either he stops wearing the ears and tail at gatherings, or he’s not welcome anymore.

I told them that was prejudice, plain and simple, and I wouldn’t just go along with it. They turned it around and accused me of being “prejudiced against the whole family,” which makes no sense to me.

What hurts the most is that my sister grew up with him. She knows how differently he’s wired. But growing up, she was the golden child while he was the scapegoat, and she took a lot of opportunities to bully and belittle him. I can’t help but think maybe she’s projecting some guilt or discomfort from the past—but who really knows?

Now I just don’t even want to go to family gatherings anymore. This whole situation broke my heart—and his. I can’t look at them the same way now.

So, Reddit… am I the asshole for stepping away from these gatherings?

EDIT: i want to add, my brother WILL NOT take the tail and ears off. He is very insistent on wearing them EVERYWHERE he goes. I have tried many times in vain lol. Also, i was VERY clear about his clothing of choice before i brought him to the gathering. I also forgot to add that these people knew of me and my brother as well as my sister when we were growing up, so my brother isn't exactly a "stranger", just someone they haven't been in close contact with untill recently. We attended many of the same family gatherings together as kids though.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/LittleGhostWhoCant on 2025-04-08 17:46:32.

My husband (33M) and I (30F) have been going to the gym three times a week since 2023, after doing home workouts during COVID. Our routine involves cardio followed by either an arm or leg workout. My husband prefers to do cardio first, but I find it tiring and think it impacts my weightlifting performance. To keep cardio interesting, I switch between the bike, elliptical, rowing machine, and treadmill and watch something on my phone. However, my husband believes I'm not putting in enough effort when I choose anything other than the treadmill, which will lead to him getting in a bad mood. Recently, I opted for the elliptical while recovering from a cold and dealing with a persistent headache. I also received disappointing job news just before heading to the gym yesterday. So, boring treadmill running wasn't what I wanted to do. The cardio workouts are mear 5-10 minute warm-ups but 30 minute sessions, and afterward, I struggle to push through my weightlifting sets effectively. Nonetheless, I've been gradually increasing my weights and focus on lower reps to conserve energy for my next sets while not going into full failure. While I understand I should be working out for myself, our regimen is based on what my husband wants and doesn't really consider what I want to work on. I take one rest day a week, while on the other three days, I either run for 30 minutes outdoors (which he thinks isn't long enough), go for an hour-long walk, or do abs/yoga at home. Our gym sessions typically take place from 6 PM to 8:45 PM on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.

Before anyone asks, we've been married nearly 10 years. I've expressed this all before multiple times (and very recently). We also do two arm and one leg workout each week. He would rather do an extra gym day than me taking an arm day to do my own thing. Neither of us are overweight (he was before I met him and I'm sure that's why he's overly obsessed about working out).

So, an I the asshole for not doing the treadmill every gym session and not going to failure during every set?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Zealousideal-Fact185 on 2025-04-08 17:46:32.

So I (27 f) have been happily dating my girlfriend (26 f) for about three years now in a long distance relationship where she regularly travels up and is hopefully moving in by the end of the year. We're both a little gender funky but especially my gf, she went on testosterone without any plans to transition (just wanted the facial hair, deeper voice, increased muscle mass, ECT) and I have fully supported and loved her through it.

She's Hispanic and her legal name is essentially a combination of of her parents name and fairly hard to pronounce so she's usually been going by a nickname for a while. She's never been attached to her name since it was a combo of her parents and her og nickname wasn't something she chose.

So about a month ago she decided to try out a new name, one she chose on her own and is loving it. Everytime someone says it she smiles and gets so excited and I'm just so happy for her.

This is where the problem comes in.

My house is a little weird where my mom "adopts" people who have nowhere to go and over the years we've had a lot of people stay with us till they got back on their feet. Currently it's me, my mom (56 f), my grandma (not blood related we just call her that) (78 f), the roommate who we'll call Derek (31 m) and his daughter who we'll call sam(6 f)

(I should also say my mom owns the house, it's very large as we bought it after winning a lawsuit but it's big enough everyone has their own rooms)

I told everyone one by one that my gf changed her name (but didn't transition) and if they can just try to use her new name then I (and she) would appreciate it. My grandma took to it like a fish to water immediately switching to the new name, my mom has a bit of a harder time but she has a bit of practice now since my sister (32 f) transitioned a few years ago.

Then there's sam, she's on the spectrum and has a speech impediment and we honestly didn't expect her to be able to do the whole switching names thing, which my gf was fully understanding about. To our surprise after I explained it she immediately started calling my gf by her new name. For some reason sam has always been obsessed with "second names" asking what someone/somethings other name is so I used that but figured she wouldn't remember, but she did and even drew my gf a picture saying it was for her and saying her name.

Neither of us want kids but I know it made my gf so happy.

And then there's Derek. We live in a rural area and he's your typical wannabe redneck with a big truck and tries to act super tough but absolutely falls short in a lot of ways on that front. He's not outwardly homophobic and has said he'd still love Sam if she decided to grow up gay but I know he struggles with it. For example he almost never calls my sister by her new name, still refers to her as "he/him" when talking about her ect. (Which I always correct him on)

He has a bit of trauma as his dad came out as gay and left him as a baby with his mom who died when he was 14 leaving him to fend for himself then years down the road once he learned Derek was having a kid they reconnected, from what I've heard it was tough at first but they're fine now.

I'm not saying any of that to excuse his behavior but I felt it was important to add a bit of background.

Cut to the other day when I informed him of my gf trying out her new name and wanted him to try to call her by it.

He snaps and says "I call people whatever comes out of my mouth."

I get a bit pissed because I just asked him to try, not magically do it and I say "If your six year old daughter can do it then you can too, suck it up."

I could see him getting pissed but instead of saying anything he stomped out of the house and slammed the door and hasn't talked much to me since then.

I know it's harder for some people to change names without slipping up, and my gf fully understands that, but he basically said he wouldn't even make the attempt.

I don't think I am, but I love my gf so maybe my perception is skewed, am I the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/t4rti on 2025-04-08 17:26:26.

My boyfriend and I are both students and both do drink. Before I met him, he drank pretty much everyday but only until he met me he stopped drinking so much because he wanted to be better for me. Only until recently, he started drinking a lot more now where his only hangouts with friends are just drinking, nothing else, just drinking. He even just has a bottle or two just at home for the sake of drinking. I have explained my feelings towards alcoholism and how I won’t tolerate and want to be with someone who drinks a lot because it makes me very uncomfortable due to trauma. I told him again yesterday that him getting drunk and drinking a lot more now is really pushing me to the edge where I said if he continues to drink this much I will not be with him, only for him to just be confused and say it’s unfair because how can I drink but he can’t, even though I have like 2 pints once a week (estimate, sometimes just nothing). Sometimes I just go out with my friends and drink when he does and then he gets worried when I do and brings that up although it doesn’t even happen frequently, I just do it sometimes because he is out doing that yet I’m not with him. I have also told him I’d be cool with us drinking together but he doesn’t even do that with me, it’s just his friends because he’s said “You said you don’t like me drinking so” although I have said I do drink sometimes and I’d be willing to do that with him if you invited me but he never does.

I can’t tell if I’m in the wrong for appearing restrictive, in his words, for telling him I won’t be with him if he continues to drink so much because I don’t want to be that person that enforces these standards or boundaries but it really does make me uncomfortable.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/MajorHippo98 on 2025-04-08 16:59:03.

I (26m) have a girlfriend (23f), we met in uni and have a few mutual friends that we sometimes bump into. One of our mutual "friends" if I can even call him that... let's call this friend James. James is a very hot and cold boy, he's also gay (not that that matters I'm just trying to paint a picture of him).

Before I got in a relationship with my girlfriend, I knew James anyway, we had a few nights out etc etc and he's always been very hot and cold with me. Sometimes in my uni class he would be lovely and ask me questions. But other times on nights out he would be mean. Once he said "Ow look there the fucking walking red flag" and I didn't even do anything that night?!

When I bumped into him at a festival he didn't really seem to want to talk to me and so I made conversation with his friends instead. Just various things like this.

At the start of my relationship, when me and my girlfriend weren't really exclusive yet. He asked me about my girlfriend while I bumped into him at a night club, "How is she?" And I said "She's nothing at the minute, she said she isn't ready for a relationship and blocked me, but I thought I did everything right?"

James replies, "honestly, she looks cool and all but there's not much more to her honestly."

Fast forward nearly a year and me and my girlfriend eventually did work out, and I let this slip out when James came up in conversation. My girlfriend told her best friend, her best friend messaged James, James posted about it all over his private story, and now people are messaging my girlfriend telling her that "I'm wrong, there's no way" . . .

None of those people where there? So now my girlfriend is struggling who to believe and is stressed out because she has been caught in drama, drama that I never meant to cause. My girlfriend and James aren't even that close anyway, they bump into eachother every few months at a bar... Last time that she saw him he was really cold with her and didn't really seem to want to talk to her anyway.

I'm just so confused and feel bad for my girlfriend for having drama on her plate. But at the same time I AM NOT A LIAR and will defend myself until the end. It's just her bestfriend now thinks I am.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Human-Person123456 on 2025-04-08 16:46:20.

I (22M) lived the past summer in a house with a group of male friends. One night, I went to make a frozen pizza but I was a little bit high so instead of hitting bake on the oven, I hit broil. Turns out, one of my roommates thought the broiler was a storage shelf and had been storing all the wooden cutting boards in the broiler.

I did not check the broiler before starting the oven, because I didn’t mean to hit broil and I didn’t expect there to be wooden cutting boards in the oven.

Fast forward a few minutes, there is a fire in the oven and massive amounts of smoke filling the house. We put it out with an extinguisher but the oven was ruined. The landlord ended up having to get a new oven put in.

Things went back to normal and I moved out at the end of the summer to go back to college, thinking nothing of the oven incident. My buddies stayed living there and replaced me with another roommate who lived in town.

However, now the original lease is up and the landlord wants us to pay for the oven replacement. The guy who put the wooden cutting boards in the broiler hit me up asking me to pay for half since it was “both of our fault.” I told him I wasn’t going to pay because if he didn’t put wood in the oven, it would have been fine. He says I have a responsibility to check the oven/broiler before starting it.

So what do you think? AITA for refusing to pay half? Am I somewhat at fault and should pay half? What say you good people of Reddit?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/workmeharder on 2025-04-08 16:37:49.

I went to the restroom at work earlier and both urinals were marked out of order so I had to go in one of the stalls. I didn't think anything of it and just went in to pee. Someone else came into the restroom and yelled that I should "close the damn door next time" as they walked to the next stall. Standing in a stall even with the door open gives more privacy than the tiny dividers between the actual urinals. I guess I can see where if there's a door it should be used but it's not like I was pulling my pants down. So AITA for not closing the stall door?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Tall_Mongoose_8328 on 2025-04-08 14:28:26.

Me (25, F) am unemployed and am trying to own some money by drawing. In October of the last year, a lady asked me to draw 3 pictures for a member of her family in exchange of money. She wanted to give me 200$ for it, but I told her I would only charge her 90$ for the three drawings (30$ for each drawing). This may look expensive, but it must be noted that I did some researches beforehand. I charged her for the time the 3 drawings took me to make, knowing the original picture was a full body, which automatically means at least 1 to 3 hours of work on one piece.

Everything was fine at the beginning. She was satisfied with the drawings I made. But came the moment of the payment. I originally asked her to pay a tier of the total cost in advance as a guarantee. And only when the three drawings would have been finished should she sent the rest of the amount. But she didn't listen and not only send the full amound, but she also didn't send just 90$. She sent me 200$ on Paypal. Now, for those who don't know, personal paypal accounts can't receive such a high amount. And I didn't know it at the time. So she and I received a mail from Paypal telling us that my account woukd have to ne upgradded into a business account for the money to pass through. But both of us had to send 200$ more dollars each. English not being my native language, I didn't understand that immediately. So she sent her 200$ again.

As I said at the beginning of the post, I'm unemployed, so I couldn't afford sending 200$ out of the blue. But I promised her to reimburse her. Then began long months of us trying to find solutions. We both tried. But as time passed by, she kept asking me to send more money to the point of me having sent over 1100$ to "try and unlock our money". Every month she comes back to me asking me to pay 20$ to different mails while telling me it's the last transaction for us to receive our money back.

But I have give her every last bit of economy I had. I have no money left, and my mental health takes a hard hit out of it for the simple reason that without my parents, I would be starving in the streets right now. And I tried to make her understand that I don't have anymore money, but she doesn't listen. at every transaction, I sent her proof that I wasn't lying.

So, I didn't have the 20$ at that time, so I asked her for time to gather them as I could. And this morming, I told her I couldn't keep going on and that I wouldn't be able to send her anymore and she promised mulitple times (as she usually did) that this was the last transaction and that I would receive all the money I gave her back. But she gave me 3 paypal accounts that got each blocked by Paypal. I told her that, and she asked me to buy an online card I don't know anything about (razer gold). I followed her instructions and she received it. But the card in question cost more than she asked. And now she's askimg me more money.

I'm on the verge of giving up on life and am honestly doubting I will ever receive my money back ever again. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sado-Sonic on 2025-04-08 13:54:12.

Basically I started a new job the requires me to go to school again. The school is roughly half an hour away, so me and 2 other people M (23) and F (20) (they both go to my school) decided to drive together and change the role of the driver once a week. F (20) is a terrible driver tho, basically ranting about everyone that doesn't drive like she wants them to. At first I dropped some comments like, "You drive horrible" or "You didn't park in the lines". I admit I also said some things that weren't too kind, but for last few weeks I've kept my mouth shut only telling her to calm down when she starts ranting and telling her that she drives unsave. About half an hour ago she all of a sudden texted me and M(23) that she won't drive tomorrow and for the rest of the week and will quit our driving community because of my comments. Keep in mind that she never talked to me about my comments being a problem. She also said that she will from now on drive with M (18) (also in the school) whom she keeps ranting about every single day. Now I very angry because first of all she didn't talk to me about it and will probably tell everyone that I an asshole... so AITA ?!

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/BigFew759 on 2025-04-08 13:08:34.

So I (M19) live with my parents in a semi detached house, and my bedroom is on the side that shares a wall with my neighbour, and from what I can tell, our bedrooms are next to eachother. I don't know my neighbour, and I don't think my parents know them or ever talk to them aside from the occasional hello when they see eachother. So very frequently, my neighbour snores and it's so loud that I can hear it as if I'm in the bed with them. This is most likely because I think the wall between my bedroom and my neighbour's bedroom is really thin, I don't know for sure, but there isn't really anything that can be done about that. The snoring is so loud it's unbearable and when they snore I have to go downstairs and sleep on the sofa just be be able to fall asleep. My parents are both aware of the situation, and my mum's said we should ask them to stop snoring, because it's ruining my sleep, but my dad made the point that snoring isn't something you consciously do, and that they can't really help it. I understand both their points but it's really annoying to have to sleep on the sofa downstairs just to get a good night's sleep. So WIBTA for asking them to stop snoring?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/lilLousy on 2025-04-08 12:57:00.

Me (30M) and my partner (29F) just had our first child (6 weeks M). My partner is still on maternity leave for another two months, while I have returned to work (9am-5pm), pursuing a PhD in a Biotech company. Our current routine is that she takes care of the baby while I am at work. When I return from work, around 5.30-6.00 pm, I usually need to unwind for 30 min to 1h before I start my baby shift, which lasts from 7 or 8 pm to 1 or 2 am after which I get to sleep without interruption from 2 am to 8 am (6h) before going to work again. When I put the baby to sleep at 1 am or 2 am, my partner, who went to bed at 7 pm or 8 pm, can usually sleep until 3 am or 4 am (8h) (also ideally uninterrupted, but more expl. below) after which her baby shift starts. I seem to function okay with six hours of sleep, while my partner indicated she needs more than that. I have been trying really hard to facilitate her sleeping at least 8h every night.

However, my partner states that when I get back from work, I should immediately take care of the baby instead of taking a 30-minute to 1h break so that she can go to bed at 7 p.m. sharp and sleep until 2 a.m to then take over. This, in her reasoning, would allow me to go to bed at 1 a.m. instead of 2 a.m., thus getting an hour more sleep and, according to her, "being less grumpy after work and not needing to take an hour break." I don't think that an additional hour of sleep would affect my "grumpyness" much, I just need to unwind for 30min to be less "grumpy

I reason that I have no problem taking care of the baby from 7 p.m. (then she needs to eat and shower, so she's in bed by 8 pm) and then she can sleep from 8 pm to 4 am (8h). However, what usually happens is that my partner awakens between 1-2 am and realizes I'm still taking care of the baby. She then gets mad because "she feels bad for me" (I'm fine) and "needs to take over" even though she only sleeps five hours from 8 pm to 1-2 am. However, I tell her that she doesn't need to worry about me and should continue to sleep until 3 am or 4 am. Yet she says her anxiety doesn't allow her to do that, and that I should just start my shift earlier so that she can then take over.

So in essence, I feel like I am bending over backwards trying to balance working and caring for the baby while only sleeping 6h to facilitate her resting at least 8h (usually more because she can nap during the day where possible). While she feels I should just sacrifice my 30min to 1h unwinding after work so that she can go to bed earlier and inturn take back over earlier.

Thus, AITA for insisting that I need to unwind after work for 30min to 1h so that I am NOT grumpy?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwaway-81749 on 2025-04-08 12:48:29.

Alright, I'll (46m) make a long story short. My ex-wife (40f) left me two years ago for our nextdoor neighbor, after I found out they've been having an affair for about a year. We have two kids together (5f, 8m). Unfortunately the judge gave us split custody, though if I had my way, she and her new boyfriend would never come near my kids again after what they did. I wish they didn't have to grow up thinking this kind of behavior is acceptable.

Anyways, it's been a long painful process. I'm at my wits end with this divorce. I'm trying to be the mature adult here, but every once in a while I'll have a slip up and call her new boyfriend obscene names when referring to him, sometimes maybe when the kids are within earshot. I know it's not the most mature thing to do, but I can't see why I need to be respectful towards the man who stole my wife and broke up our family.

The other day, my ex wife left me a long voicemail telling me how unacceptable it is to call this guy names in front of our kids. My guess is that one of them repeated an insult to her. Our friend wrote to me to back up my wife, claiming that I was being unfair to my kids.

Out of this entire story, how the hell am I the one being the immature and unfair? I know I'm not perfect, but acting like I'm the monster in this story seems excessive.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/WaferPure5680 on 2025-04-08 12:47:03.

I F(19) was talking about religion with my mother (F45). She was saying how she was thinking about believing in God but not belonging to any religion. For context she was raised Christian, raised me Christian, but i left christianity and became agnostic. We were debating about how evil and God can coexist, and i brought up the question of why would God give an infant terminal illness if he's supposed to be all loving. She then said to me 'you reap what you sow and some mothers drink/smoke/consume drugs during pregnancy.' I told her that was quite a fucked up thing to say because those sorts of pregnant women are very rare, and even pregnant women who did not of these things still go on to have kids with these conditions. She said the classic'only God understands why' and I pressed her saying how messed up it was to say that, and how she would never say that to a mother's face.

She then said 'God blesses good people and their generation.' I asked her then 'if someone is poor does that mean they're not a good person?'She was about use her sister who passed of cancer as a crutch to support her argument(in the past she's implied her sister wasn't a godly person in her youth to say thats why she got a terminal illness. I told her she's been absolutely brainwashed, she screamed at me for disrespecting God and now she's stomping around the house in a fury. She wants an apology, AITA?

TLDR:my mother used the argument that some people who have kids with terminal illness'reap what they sow' so it's deserved as a response to me asking her why God would give kids terminal illness. She now wants me to apologize. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Substantial-Pea-9286 on 2025-04-08 10:43:11.

My GF(27) and I (32m) have been together for around 8 months. Her and my friends have common interests. She brought up an event she wanted to go to with me, however she can no longer make it due to work. The other day I told her me and my friends were considering going to that same event together. She got super upset with me and has been very mad at me since that day. Am I being selfish or is she just being super shitty? If the roles were reversed and she wanted to do something exciting that I couldn't make it to and went with her friends I would be happy for her. This is also my first ever serious LTR so I'm also learning how to navigate things. I kind of just randomly brought it up to her out of the blue so maybe I could have been nicer about it. Anyways let me know what you guys think.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Proud_Attempt_3335 on 2025-04-08 07:04:28.

My friend is pregnant (again) and she knows that I'm ttc... I was always there with her first pregnancy, her son calls me "aunty" and I love him so much!

She announced her pregnancy last week, she seemed worried about me because she saw me crying and she knows that I'm trying since July, but now every opportunity is good to bring up the topic without considering that it might upset me.

For example we were talking about wedding dresses with another friends and she needed to say that she is worried about not finding a dress for the wedding we're invited to in September because of the big belly. AITA or she can keep to herself this kind of things?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fearless-Day-1623 on 2025-04-08 05:37:28.

I 23F met my bf 21M four years ago. We were long distance at first but after he graduated he moved here to go to college and live with me. While he was in college I was able to support us on my income. But eventually it wasn’t enough so he dropped out of college to get a job. It took him a long time but eventually he did. He only worked there for a few months before they basically just stopped putting him on shifts. He swore he was looking for another job but it took almost a year for him to find one and the only reason he got it was because I had to give him an ultimatum. His excuse for not getting one for that long was because he was depressed and wasn’t doing well mentally. (For context his dad died about a year before we got together. He never went to therapy for that loss and so that’s why he is struggling. His dad died of heart issues which is relevant) He also said that the jobs he applied to never called back. Or were all dead ends. A few months into that job he got a dream offer to work for a really nice company that’s known for paying well. He took it and started working there. It paid 22 an hour, has benefits, and it’s a night job which he wanted. They are very very strict and he’s already gotten written up once for missing work when he was sick. (Which I don’t fault him the reason he got written up wasn’t his fault.) he’s only been working there for about 6 months now. I thought things were getting better, he was making friends and no longer worrying about money. He even took over the rent completely. About a month ago he was smoking weed which he does every so often and completely freaked out.His heart was racing and he was panicking. He said it felt like he died 3 times. I took him to the emergency room and they said nothing was wrong with him and gave him anxiety meds. Ever since then it’s been getting worse and worse. He stopped smoking completely but he still has episodes where his heart races, he can’t breath, he feels like he’s dying, and he can’t sleep. I kept telling him it was just a panic attack but it would last for 5 hours and get so bad he had to go to the er just feel safe if he passed out. This last week it’s gotten worse. It’s nonstop everyday he hasn’t slept in two days. We finally got him into a doctor and he said it was just anxiety and prescribed him meds. They didn’t work and he tried to go back to the doctor to get a referral to a cardiologist but the dr said it wasn’t needed because all the symptoms were due to anxiety. He swears it’s not anxiety and is convinced something is wrong with his heart.Now he hasn’t gone to work in 4 days and I think they are going to fire him. If he gets fired his insurance will be terminated and he won’t even be able to get help here. His mom lives 10 hours away and offered for him to stay in the town they live because it’s bigger and has a specialist there that could help. But he would definitely lose his job and it would take a month to even get put on a new insurance plus he would have to permanently live there while getting treatment putting us at long distance again. I’m trying not to be selfish and understand what he’s going through. I love him and I really want him to get help. But after all the struggle and years of fighting to get him to get a job and now he has a dream job and he about to get fired. Who knows when he will get better and if he will get a job when he gets back. I just don’t know if I can continue to take care of him when I feel like I’ve been doing it the last 4 years. Constantly having to pay for dates or trips. Never being able to save up for our future.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/whatssowrong on 2025-04-08 05:33:12.

I went to watch a broadway show last month, but I keep thinking about this so now I’m posting it. When it was sitting time, (I was on time, almost early compared to other people), I found my row and I told my mom this is the row. There was a lady sitting at the end of the row, blocking my way to go to the seat. She had a big bag on her lap too. I whispered sorry (the lady was old so I guess she did not hear me), then when I tried to go past her, she stopped me and stared at me. She didn’t say anything and I just looked at her back because I didn’t know what she wanted me to do. Then I just said like “Excuse me” but in a way kids say it when they are not sure if their parents want them to say the word. I didn’t understand her at all because my mom and I were standing there to check the row alphabet and said this is the row. If I was sitting in the last seat of the row, and people come and check the row alphabets, I get out of the seat so they can get in. I never stopped a person to make them say excuse me when I am the one on their way.

AITA for saying sorry to quietly and not saying excuse me?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Natural_Method_9394 on 2025-04-07 23:24:58.

I have known my roommate for over a year. Met her my first semester (in an apartment with private rooms but a shared kitchen), where we were friends but not close. We didn't talk for 8 months after that semester, till we randomly started hanging out that next fall semester. We started to get super close to each other, and now I consider her my sister and best friend. We decided to move in together the next semester, living in the same room this time. I've never shared a room in my life so this was a big deal. I made three things very clear: I hate snoring(she assured me she didn't snore), I need alone time on occasion, and I don't want to take care of her dog. I brought these things up many many times. She has had this dog the entire time I've known her. The dog, Spot(a springer spaniel), is a registered ESA for anxiety, and I see why she is helpful to my roommate. But, my roommate also refers to Spot mainly as her "duck dog"(to help her retreive ducks when hunting). Spot is ALWAYS eating from the trashcan, counter surfing, jumping on my bed(which is supposed to be strictly off limits), whining, barking, and just generally being an absolute turd of a dog.

Here's where the problem begins: this dog SNORES. Like a 70 year old man. It wakes me up nightly. I have tried using earplugs myself, white noise, going to sleep before Spot does, and everything. I brought up to my roomie that I was upset she didn't tell me Spot snores so bad before we moved it. Once shown audio clips, she said "well you asked if I snored, not if Spot snored" Then she suggested trying to deal with it, claiming that I'll get used to it over time. I have not. It's been 3 months and I've slept through the night MAYBE 7 days out of this whole time. I move to the living room when I can, but there's often someone else out there, and my roommate gets hurt when I move, claiming I don't love her. I started waking my roommate up to move Spot, which over half of the time my roommate would wake up, grunt a 'fine' then fall back to sleep without moving her. But she complains about not sleeping through the night. I really do love my roommate, we're soulmate best friends and I wouldn't trade her for anything. But I hate her dog, and she's hurt by that fact. I can't just not wake my roommate up because what else is there to do other than make her suffer a fraction of what I'm suffering. I freaking despise this dog, and the fact that we have a housing contract together for at least the next 6 months kinda sucks. I want sleep, she wants sleep,but neither of us will get it. I can't stand this anymore lol, at least I can figure out if I'm the problem.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/TrishaisTempting69 on 2025-04-07 23:00:23.

I (34F) think my brothers (29M) handwriting is terrible. And recently we were going over our bills with our parents because we all live together in the same house. And we divide the bills up by person to person so that we can all save money for future expenses. However, when it came time for my little brother to write out his check, I saw that when he gave it to Mom and Dad, his handwriting was terrible. And I didn't think the bank teller would take it seriously if they tried to use that.

So I told my brother to hand me over his checkbook so I could write the name of the recipient and the memo clearly so that we wouldn't have to worry about the check being rejected. And he got all offended because he said I was treating him like a child. And I personally think he was being unreasonable because we don't need a bill to not be paid because whoever gets his check can't read his handwriting.

It resulted in my parents taking sides, with them taking his side because 'He's 29, he can write his own checks'

Personally I said his age doesn't matter if his handwriting sucks.

AITA? I personally think its reasonable because if you saw how bad his handwriting was, you would do the same.

EDIT: Because of the people harassing me in my Private Messages, no he hasn't had any checks rejected before, but that doesn't matter because it could be rejected. And I'd rather not have the electricity be cut off because of something as dumb as his handwriting being crap

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/CrownedFreak on 2025-04-07 21:56:55.

I (21m) enjoy getting jumped by my dogs when I come home from work, when they want to play, and when they get riled while I pet them. My mother however has been trying to get them to be "Calmer" dogs and not allowing any form of excitement that would riled them up in the house. However, another of what she's doing is just baring the dogs from anything fun, and normal dog behavior. I have stated multiple times that how she's going about it is incorrect, I mean yeah certain behaviors like trying to steal food, and jumping on the table/counter tops are a great thing to stop, but playing tug of war, showing excitement when seeing their people, the whole shebang. I shouldn't have to not show my affection for my dogs everything I'm home all to suck the joy out of their little doggo lives.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Nervous_Parsnip1843 on 2025-04-07 20:24:17.

While we usually split the chores, my girlfriend has the habit of taking the house work off of me sometimes. Like for example, we'll normally clean the house on saturdays together. But, since she gets home from work earlier than me, I'll arrive home on Fridays some weeks and she has cleaned the whole house by herself. I thank her and tell her she didn't have to do that. Her response is that she likes that we have the whole saturday to just plan something fun to do. As another example, she'll cook and I clean the kitchen afterwards but sometimes when I get home from work she'll have the meals ready and the kitchen all cleaned. Whenever she does laundry she does both of our laundry as well, while when I do laundry, I'll just do my own like we have agreed to when splitting the chores up.

Recently she told me that she wishes that I would do the same for her sometimes. She said that a few months ago when she was really busy with a project for work for a couple of weeks, all I did was my share of the chores while her own chores were piling up. Like for our meals, since she was busy, I would just order take out instead of cooking a proper meal for the both of us. And I kept on just doing my share of the house cleaning and laundry.

I told her that I have never asked, or expected her to do my share of the house work. House work sucks anyway so at least when we are splitting it together it is more tolerable. And we're a team, I don't want her to be a servant. Like I am grateful 100% but I don't think it's cool how she has thrown in my face how she does all this stuff for me and I don't contribute equally...

I do other stuff for her, I'll buy her her favorite foods, I'll surprise her with fun activities for the both of us to do. Acts of service just isn't really my thing.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Puzzled-Load6385 on 2025-04-08 09:33:26.

My sister (22F) was engaged to my best friend (24M). They’ve been together for 4 years, and I was actually the one who introduced them. Last week, he caught her cheating. It destroyed him completely, and he kicked her out of their apartment immediately.

Now she’s homeless and asked to crash at my place until she figures things out. I told her no. She broke my best friend’s heart, betrayed his trust, and honestly, I just don’t want her around right now.

My parents and family are furious at me, saying family should always come first, no matter what mistakes she made. I’m getting bombarded with angry messages, calling me cold and selfish for “choosing a friend over my own sister.”

I’m torn. On one hand, she’s family. On the other, she really hurt someone who means the world to me. Am I the asshole for not letting her stay with me?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Yogurt2022 on 2025-04-08 09:20:21.

My mum has begun pushing me to talk to her side of the family online, and start referring to them as my "family" in conversations

I've only ever spoken to my grandmother and my aunts from her side and the rest of her extended family i've only really met when i was a baby

Recently she started telling me to "add all people with (family surname) and talk to them!" however I'm uncomfortable doing this knowing that these people have never made any effort to reach out to me in my life.

also the fact that from their perspective, a random relative wanting to talk to them might be quite uncomfortable too

Should i explain to her that i don't see these people as my family even though it'll most likely make her upset?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/shimmyslug on 2025-04-08 07:56:41.

I will try to make this as concise and unbiased as possible. I(31F)lived with my roommate, H(28F) in a two bedroom apt for 3 years. We became very close friends and rarely argued.

Our main issues regarded cleanliness. She is neat and tidies often. I had a bad habit of leaving things strewn about, jackets, pencils, socks, I struggled to keep on top of dishes, and rarely cleaned her bathroom (though I have my own half bath, I still used her shower). I’d take out the trash, but not the milk cartons next to the trash, etc. On the other hand, she had a cat that was not properly cared for, which led to the cat repeatedly getting worms and fleas. It vomited often. The litter box stank, was cleaned once a week and the cat was never combed or bathed for years up until fleas were discovered. This started a series of arguments when I’d pushed for her to vacuum, wash linens, and bathe the cat instead of just throwing on some Frontline Plus and calling it a day. I was paranoid of fleas hitchhiking when visiting my mom and her cats, so I vacuumed weekly and combed her cat daily since she was only willing to do it “when she had time”. H had money issues and constantly used a lack of money as an excuse for not getting specialty shampoo or carpet cleaner(but still was able to buy a VR headset that same month…)

After 4 months of this, I got aggressive about the pet care, removed all my linens from the apartment, and banned her cat from my room. This upset H into spitefully cleaning every nook and cranny daily.

Fast forward to moving day, H decided she would not clean and was willing to give up the deposit. There was a hole in the wall(my fault) and parts of the carpet destroyed(cat), so she argued cleaning would not amount to a deposit/not worth the effort. I kept bringing up the possibility of getting at least a portion back, to no avail, so I stopped pressing her about it. I decided to clean the whole apartment by myself. She left anything she didn’t want (kitchen utensils, used kitty litter, a couch, cleaning supplies, food), kept egging for me to ditch my things for the landlord to deal with, saying “that’s what the deposit is for” and went silent when I finally told her I intended to clean to get the deposit back.

After 2 days of cleaning the place was immaculate. landlord gave me the full deposit. A week later H asks me “when are we getting the deposit back?” I snapped and I told her I was keeping all of it, and she sobbed. She believed as the person who did more cleaning in the 3 years we were living together, she deserved her half of the deposit and that I was punishing her for “not helping one time”.

A Mutual friend said I should give H her half of the deposit because the friendship is more important than money. AITA for keeping it out of principle?