this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2023
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Autism

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I'm just trying to relate (lemmy.world)
submitted 9 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
94 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Image of a screenshot of Twitter of a screenshot of Facebook.

The Facebook screenshot reads:

Fun fact about me: When I'm having a conversation with you, I will periodically bring up personal experiences from my own life, interspersed withing your own stories that you're telling me. I'm not doing this to try and make the conversation about me, or to take away from your own experience. Actually, what I'm attempting to do, is to try and show you that I do, in fact, understand what you're trying to tell me, and that I am giving your story my full attention.

It can really be off-putting to some people, so if I've ever done this to you during a conversation, I just wanted to make sure you know that I wasn't trying to take over your story, I was just doing my best to connect with you in the moment.

The screenshot of Twitter reads:

This. I am fully aware that I do this. And I feel so guilty every time, but this. Understand this.

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[–] octoperson 15 points 9 months ago (19 children)

So, what ways do we know to demonstrate active involvement with someone's story? And when are they appropriate or inappropriate?

  • adding your own experiences (as per the OP)
  • asking questions
  • making noises - "mm-hm, ooh"
  • mirroring the speaker's expressions
  • eye contact
  • gestures like nodding
  • interjecting with an opinion (preferably sympathetic to the speaker)

Can you think of any more? Are there cultural variations? Any other observations?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (5 children)

And when are they appropriate or inappropriate?

This is my big problem. In a group where people are telling stories about themselves, when it’s my turn, my stories are inappropriate somehow. In 50+ years, I still haven’t figured out what I say that’s wrong,

I’ve spent ages analysing my stories compared to others and I can’t figure out the difference, and no one will tell me. Is it the content (seems comparable) or how I tell it?

It seems better to just say ‘pass’ in those situations and stop engaging.

[–] octoperson 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I suspect most of the time, when folks won't tell you what you did wrong, they don't really know themselves. Either that or it's some stupid power play thing where they think you're trying to challenge their status.

Other option - tell the stories you want to tell, and everyone just has to learn that's what to expect from you.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Thank you, that helps.

or it's some stupid power play thing where they think you're trying to challenge their status.

Although if it’s that, I’ll never figure it out. I can’t even begin to relate to that enough to identify it.

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