Greatest Generation

When Adira brings a bug aboard the Disco after hanging out with their ex, Captain Burnham and Commander Rayner narrowly avoid being Tuvix-ed when they attempt to blurp out of her ready room. But when a groggy future version of Zora lays out the stakes for the rest of the season, they’ll have to Quantum Leap their way through some of Star Trek: Discovery’s greatest hits in order to rectify the timeline. What would happen if Stamets met Wesley Crusher? Do hologram computers have privacy screens? Is Book going for the record? It’s the episode that refuses to show weird, old hand.

When a shuttle trip to a conference takes a predictable turn, Chakotay and Seven find themselves in an environment where the only way to make lifesaving inventions is out of household materials. But when Tom Paris gets forced to go to traffic school, he’ll have to sacrifice points on his license to save the day. Is it okay to call young people ‘primitive’? Can you start a fire with juice and rocks? What is the Bakula Modifier? It’s the episode that’s attached to a hunter gatherer.

When the poem leads an away team to the milk caves on Trill, Culber is way too eager to be inhabited by Jinaal Bix. But while Burnham and Book prove their worthiness in the quarry, Rayner learns Discovery’s crew members are surprisingly verbose. Where is there never any palace intrigue? What’s the first thing you want to do in Wilson Cruz’s body? How do you prep a dimple? It’s the episode that wants more representation eggs in more baskets!

When Michael is left to decide who will take over for Saru as Number One, she makes the startling realization that everyone else is very pro Book Burnham. But when the dirt bike rental owner calls for the 10th time in a row to collect damages, the crew decides they're better off skipping town to chase Moll and L'ak than footing the bill. Doth the Book protest too much? Who's a scorpion and who's a frog? Does Betazed still have the cum plants? It’s the episode that makes you a ganglia you can't refuse.

When Voyager gets a mission from Admiral Philip Baker Hall, Harry Kim tracks down the ancient probe on an irradiated planet. But when the away team encounters bagMEN on the surface who give the Vidiians a run for their money, all it takes is some medical treatment and odor eaters to make their planet habitable again. Which adjustment might be too nippular for the costume department? Who has a dolly grip look? How much loaf can the transporter handle? It’s the episode that wants to launch more menacing probes!

When Captain Burnham and the Discovery get assigned a red directive mission, she and Captain Rayner don’t quite sync up. But when Book is called in to help with The Chase, they track down the thieves and learn that this season’s MacGuffin was already opened by Fred. Why don’t more parents register for airline chair? What’s required to rent a shielded dirt bike? Which characters will season 5 be pivoting to full time? It’s the episode that wants a text before you call.

When Voyager starts communicating in real time with the A-Quad, Dr. Mark takes the opportunity to deeply offend his colleagues. But when he’s finally convinced to revise his work, an episode within an episode barely has time to make any good law. Which vessel is ideal for champagne consumption? When is it ok to stop trying to hook new viewers? What does “let me know what you think” actually mean? It’s the episode where the alcohol shoe is on the other foot!

When Galactica is trapped in a Paulson-style nebula, they make a scary as hell jump to get ammunition for the war. But when President Rosalind suggests running instead of fighting the Cylons, Commander Adama is convinced that hope will save what’s left of humanity. Which actor gives two characters for the price of one? What’s the most likely name for a robot child? Who is more Larkin than Larkin himself? It’s the episode that doesn’t want the software update!

When the Enterprise beams some mysterious riders aboard, it’s a less than 5-star rating by the time they reach their destination. But when the ugliest person in the room uses Spock as a meat sack, navigating home is easy but escaping space madness requires the help of a beautiful Doctor. What are the options for fixing a bent wick? Who is Scotty Basic Instinct-ing at dinner? How do you actually assassinate a Medusan? It’s the episode that’s making time for applesauce!

When Galactica is trapped in a Paulson-style nebula, they make a scary as hell jump to get ammunition for the war. But when President Rosalind suggests running instead of fighting the Cylons, Commander Adama is convinced that hope will save what’s left of humanity. Which actor gives two characters for the price of one? What’s the most likely name for a robot child? Who is more Larkin than Larkin himself? It’s the episode that doesn’t want the software update!

When Kirk beams down for a house party on Cestus III, what he finds instead is an aerial bombardment and one very angry outpost survivor. But when the Enterprise gives chase and the Metrons sense violent intent, a broadcast death match is the only suggestion for conflict resolution. Are Spock and McCoy capable of effectively insulting each other? What kind of utensil can you bring to a dinner party? Is bamboo strong enough to make a bazooka out of? It’s the episode that is somewhat diminished by O’Herlihy’s presence.

When Kirk beams down for a house party on Cestus III, what he finds instead is an aerial bombardment and one very angry outpost survivor. But when the Enterprise gives chase and the Metrons sense violent intent, a broadcast death match is the only suggestion for conflict resolution. Are Spock and McCoy capable of effectively insulting each other? What kind of utensil can you bring to a dinner party? Is bamboo strong enough to make a bazooka out of? It’s the episode that is somewhat diminished by O’Herlihy’s presence.

When it’s take your nepo child to work day, the lil’est De Lancie shows up on Voyager. But when Aunt Kathy’s new curriculum doesn’t set the boy straight, continuum-level consequences finally get through to him in the end. How did this episode affect Keegan De Lancie’s career? Is there a Cal Hudson scale for disappointed dad? Who does LeVar Burton need to avoid at a conference? It’s the episode where no one died on a toilet!

When it’s time to make a museum out of the Battlestar Galactica, the ship’s decommissioning ceremony turns into an even busier day for Commander Adama. But when the Cylons magically split the trolly and send it down both tracks, President Rosalind enters into a power struggle with the new leader of the Colonial fleet. What’s the dream move during any argument? Are the Capricans actually Pah-wraith people? How does someone get through TSA with a meat scroll? It’s the episode that’s desperately clinging to the outside of a spaceship!

When a satellite catches Red October in Polijarny inlet, Jack Ryan starts earning Sky Miles faster than he can spend them. But when he upstages the overhead projector guy in a high level briefing, he gets stuck trying to figure out exactly how the Soviet sub captain plans to ‘dump’ his crew. Why is Admiral Greer handcuffed to that creep? Will Seaman Jones find the stealth sub before his antiquated printer gives away their position? How are you supposed to pack when your mission orders are behind two layers of security? It’s a special thank you episode that could potentially save you four hundred billion quarters.

When Seven goes for the record on the holodeck instead of staying at her post, Voyager takes heavy damage and the simulation starts overloading her brains. But when she’s caught in the act by Dr. Mark, he introduces her to the idea of work/life balance but fails to admonish her terrible crimes. What do you get when you pimp the toast? Which slash fiction did this story inspire? How has Star Trek failed men across the decades? It’s the episode where the burlap belies the smash.

When the Andromeda is betrayed by one of their own, the surviving crew make for the nearest black hole to try and escape. But when Capt Kevin Sorbo is the only survivor salvaged from the singularity, everyone he’s ever known is gone. Did somebody find the keys to Gene Roddenberry secret script cabinet? Do captains get to choose their own ship AIs? Is the ship hot or is it just hot in here? It’s the episode that wants you to stop picking at it!

When BLT’s abduction goes bad, it’s up to Neelix to remind her that the life she used to have on Voyager is better than the one she has now. But when Chakotay attempts to do make the same case with Captain Janeway, her new lover could lose more than his security deposit. How much water does it take to qualify as a wet cohost? Is there any limit to what a desperate person would do for love? What can industry learn from assembly line lobotomies? It’s the episode that doesn’t need souvenirs to remember it!

When a test pilot’s propulsion experiment takes him much farther than expected, his shock on the other side makes him seem a little dumb. But when his guild of alien adventurers needs a handwritten equation to escape, John Crichton comes through with a rollerball mouse and earns their respect through math. Who was Farscape made for? How do you know when a show isn’t serious? Which piece of grit could turn into a pearl? It’s the episode with print magazine nostalgia!

When most of the crew finds gainful employment on a planet with great public transportation, everyone seems to enjoy their new jobs, though no one can remember how they got there. But when Commander Mark and his minions track down the missing crew, their behavior gets creepy and with no memory of Voyager, their suspicions are hard to overcome. Does the UK have its own meat nectar? What’s the fallen samurai hair of establishing shots? Who deserves a raise at the flirt factory? It’s the episode that spared us the stabby stuff!

When a bunch of men in large snake heads suddenly jump out of a relic of alien technology housed deep within Cheyenne Mountain, General Hammond decides to call Richard Dean Anderson with a haircut out of retirement. But when they discover that the gate is less like two cans on a string and more like a touchtone phone, it’s going to take an ensemble cast with eidetic memories to dial in the right number. Does the snek make the X from the inside? Do Furries require fur? How many claymores can you fit in war wagon? It’s the episode that puts it in the theme.own.

When Voyager gets sucked through a donut hole and into a void, it’s another space mugging and the crew has no way out. But when Captain Janeway starts building an alliance by giving away the store, her principles cause a stir but ultimately earn her some valuable new friends. How do you know when it’s door day? Does Garon have a passion outside of work? What could Neelix do to actually improve morale? It’s the episode where powders are wet all over the place!

When Captain Boone has the worst possible day at work, he’s offered a job by the aliens he doesn’t trust. But when his wife gets Final Destination‘d and his best friend lures him into the resistance, Boone calmly agrees to become a souped-up inside man. What’s the turn-around time on a custom headstone? Do surgeons ever take their tools home? Where was Eddy conceived? It’s the episode that didn’t make time for a breakdown.

When Voyager finds a D7 full of very religious Klingons, they blow up their ship after learning BLT is pregnant. But when the fetus’ DNA also cures their deadly virus, the nearest barren planet looks perfect for their new empire. When is cleaning up poop like wiping your nose? Which drink is in honor of Dr. Star Trek? What did Kahless like to eat for breakfast? It’s the episode with a new ship’s surgeon!

When a teen genius spends too much time in his basement making home videos, his ideas about holes are purely theoretical. But once he convinces himself to take the first slide, his experiment becomes a slippery slope of interdimensional tropes. What ever happened to all the aspirational teen spaces from the 80s and 90s? How did DoppelQuinn get so much done in 15 minutes? Can we get the art department on the phone? It’s the episode that may never get home!