This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Jealous_Biscotti9685 on 2024-01-18 16:17:38+00:00.
i feel like my partner would be ok to take advantage of my tolerance and kindness unless i confront him and set boundaries. it seems our life gets designed to benefit him first. this has led me to think he does not have my best interest in mind and it's made me lost sight of the future.
examples: conveniently scheduling time together around his schedule; conveniently forgetting to contribute to shared expenses; conveniently not being transparent about adult son's stay in the apartment we just first moved in together in and stay looking more like an indefinite stay vs short term and sharing everything 50/50 financially; conveniently pointing out he is stressed or he is sacrificing to gaslight you when it is you whose stress and sacrifice should be talked about. there is a scene in "wedding singer" where drew barrymore's fiance asks her to take the window seat on a flight. my partner commented once on me taking the best seat at restaurants (i just seat whereever) giving me a complex and making me always ask where he would like to seat. as it turns out he says he only said that because his ex used to (always a reason around a poor managed behavior) always take the better seat. the incident happened towards the beginning of our relationship and it did not sit right with me even though so small and seemingly negligible...but i think it summarizes my issue very well: HIM FIRST.
TL;DR i think my partner's "my convenience/my goals first" behavioral patterns are a character thing and nothing that can be solved through communication. i think i need to either accept this is how things will be or leave. what are your thoughts?