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Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit
(www.pcgamer.com)
this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
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They get him on the stand and the judge says " so Mr Newell, remembering you are under oath, when is Half Life 3 being released?"
*Gabe starts gesturing to his lawyer to do something*
"Just answer the question."
I mean the simple response from the lawyer is, "Objection, relevance," and the question gets tossed out.
I demand accuracy in my jokes, even if it kills them.
"Objection, relevance?"
"Public interest."
(Though in my joke I meant his lawyer, instead of objecting, would entreat his client to answer the question)
Ah, I understand now. [MODIFYING JOKE MATRIX TO ACCOMMODATE NEW INFORMATION]
"Your honor, I need to fire my lawyer."
"Mr Newell, no competent lawyer in this country would defend you on this point. If you do not answer the question I will hold you in contempt."
“Bailiff, seize him.”
*Half Life 3 drops from his pocket*
"THAT'S NOT MINE"
“It’s actually all of yours. Check you computers, they all have Half Life 3 installed.”
Gabe puts on a top hat, pulls out an umbrella and floats away.
This is how we win
Lmao this is great
Gaben will then slowly drop his head and whisper into the microphone with a wry chuckle - "You fool. You have just activated my trap card."
Immediately, the Half Life 3 release will drop. Gaben has been holding it back, continuously updating for decades, awaiting exactly this moment. The judge, completely flabbergasted at the proceedings will immediately declare a mistrial. Legal scholars will then study the "Gaben defense" for decades.
No comment.
Does "no comment" count as an answer?
"There is no Half-Life 3, there will be no Half-Life 3."
Half life alyx was hl3
Forget HL3; where's HL2: Episode 3? I wanna know what the fuck happened to that garden gnome I carried all the way from the beginning to the rocket at the end.
If this happened I think Gabe would just say "it's not happening, not at least the way you all want" and then we get some half life cyberchip augmented reality game in another 15 years (it is good though)
https://youtu.be/0d6yBHDvKUw?si=pnLuhBLn7vIKSOES
Simple judge, half life 3 will be released the moment our sales go down and we need some free ads to boost them back up, i'm sure you understand well judge that our main focus is making money not making games and we do everything we can to max our profits just like any other company in the world does.