Not sure but joining this may help you too.
this post was submitted on 23 Nov 2024
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(that link needs the 'https' part in to work)
It's in the Lemmy docs. You need to have federation enabled, https, a banner image, description set, and maybe something else.
The act of making a first post or comment is all that's required for other instances to become aware of yours. Your site is already in their /instances page and at places like https://lemmy.fediverse.observer/redlemmy.com
From what I can tell re join-lemmy, the list there is just for that site, and it's fed by the lemmy-stats-crawler (you'll be able to see it in your nginx logs). There's a restriction of needing 5+ active users a month though, which it doesn't look like your site quite meets.