"Hi, Lesbian, I'm Brian."
this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2024
461 points (95.8% liked)
Greentext
4500 readers
886 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Respond super excited, like when you meet someone who shares the same niche hobby than you: "I like girls too! So tell me, what have you found to be the best technic to eat pussy?"
A thespian you say? Why, I was in a production of Hamlet myself!
E tu, brute?
Thespians? Aren't those illegal in 7 states?
Omg if they wear the clothes off the opposite gender
"Neat."
What prompted that disclosure? Could she smell the horniness emanating from Anon? Did he, as he noticed she was a woman, give off a vibe like a starving cartoon wolf imagining the main character as comprised entirely of sausages?
I believe he started vibrating 15,000 Hertz. A totally normal response in the presence of all women, not the sign of a weirdo at all.
“I, too, am a connoisseur of fine pussy.”
I respond by hoping I'm a girl in this scenario. Anon forgot to specify.
load more comments
(2 replies)
Yeah this didn't happen because there's literally no reason to bring that up. Unless OP was being creepy which is totally possible given the website.
“Hi, Lesbian, I’m anon.”
'I know'
"me too"
Final answer
"Hell yeah I like chicks too!" go for a high five
In this case its a bit different but what i see is that everything is oversexualized but the effect of that is people are actually more lonely because every social interaction you have with anyone who could be a sexual partner automatically becomes strange.
Sorry that you feel obligated to mention this based on your past experiences. I hope our interactions are professional. Please let me know if I step over a line... my jokes are sometimes a little off but never misogynistic maybe a little dark, but I work on it.
With that out of the way ... my Name is Anon, I am happily married. Now.. let's Beginn =]
So, do you pronounce the full name, "lesbian", or do you shorten it to "les" or something?
And I'm married, so I'm kind of asexual (at work), so we're ought to be friends!
It's probably a way for her not to be flirted with. To protect herself. So I'd say something reassuring like that.
Anon must address her as “Lesbian” for now until eternity, considering that’s all she is.
Hi Lesbian, I'm Anon.
Shrug is the only correct response at work. Or maybe "that's nice" to be more polite.
Or "noted" or just "ok"
Is that polite though? I get that it isn't explicitly rude but I pretty much only use that phrase as short hand for "why are you talking about this you fucking weirdo?" I think it's subtly rude at best.
Most politeness is about rephrasing rudeness in a subtle way. What OP's fictional coworker did in this fictional story is explicitly rude as it assumes the worst from meeting a new person, the most appropriate response would be something that is subtly, but noticeably, rude.
If a team lead, sight unseen, just tells you their sexual preference without any context or follow-up then yeah that's fucking weird and they're a weirdo.
load more comments
(1 replies)
You need to say it slowly. "Okaaaay"
Maximum devastation
"I wasn't interested"
“Sounds like we have something in common.”
"Well, then I now identify as a woman, girrrrl!"
Oof. That seems inappropriate on so many levels. I think it offends pretty much everyone.
It's time for anon to drop the classic dad joke
This is infinitely funnier if OP is a woman
"Me too!"
What's your best pickup line?
"Don't flatter yourself"
"Ma'am, this is a Wendy's..."
"cool, let's smash!"
"Well damn! Scissor me timber girl! Let's duck under the table and 69!"
"Hi Lesbian, I'm Moss"
👍
"Oh, that makes sense."
Let's compare notes then!
"THAT JUST MEANS SHE LIKES WHAT I LIKE"
- Tourettes Guy
You too..
If this is the US, straight to HR. 🤑
view more: next ›