this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2024
522 points (98.3% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Anon gets the shits (lemmy.today)
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by [email protected] to c/greentext
 
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[–] [email protected] 85 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Anon is definitely full of shit.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 months ago

I must evacuate my bowels, through my anus, into a porcelain bowl.

[–] JohnDClay 26 points 3 months ago

Not any more!

[–] southsamurai 18 points 3 months ago

And this is from an authority on anal expulsions!

[–] [email protected] 42 points 3 months ago (3 children)

How exactly did the random stranger know he was an English speaker?

[–] [email protected] 79 points 3 months ago

If you have ever had a good bout of food poisoning that cleans you out I guarantee you’re bitching and swearing about it when in the throes of it. So if the story were real I’d bet there was plenty of choice English for people nearby to pick up on.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago

Probably the smell?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago

He didn't pray to Allah to save him, or make deals with him about changing your ways if you heal me from this misery.

There nothing like food poisoning to make you religious and reassess your entire life.

I hope I never get that sick ever again.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Say your prayers, little one

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Don't forget, my son, to include everyone.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

Bro, you skipped a couple lines. The next part is, "I tuck you in, warm within, keep you free from sin, till the Sandman, he comes." Then you sleep with one eye open while gripping your pillow tight.

[–] southsamurai 5 points 3 months ago

Sleep with brown eye open

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

Well I have a new way to weird out strangers having a time in the public facilities.