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I wanna pose this very kindly and politely because I know a lot of people are against it sadly but
By the way you’re wording things it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate right now and you’re losing your grip/stable footing and you should take that very seriously. Stopping a mental breakdown when it finally happens isn’t going to be possible on your own.
There’s a few options for online if you’d prefer but therapy really isn’t that bad of an idea to try. It’s nice having someone you can get along with and be vulnerable with and have help you out with “shit that’s stuck in your teeth” as mine says.
Some stuff is too tough and is way too bitter to chew on our own and this world is infinitely bigger than you and will swallow you whole if you don’t fight for a life you want.
Stay healthy bro. Fight for yourself. We’re all rooting for your best health mentally and physically 💜
Edit: reworded the beginning of paragraph 2, I’m not a psychologist nor do I have the training to be calling out “textbook antisocial behavior” considering how long it takes to go to school to become a psychiatrist/psychologist
wanting to be alone is not an anti-social behavior... aggression and wanting to hurt people is... which the op is not expressing. Don't know where you got this "text book antisocial behavior" definition from.
While I disagree with you about this being antisocial behavior or at least the precursor, I’m not a psychologist so I should refrain from using language like this as it’s misleading as “fact” when it’s just lazy vocab usage.
Appreciate the call out